I’ve been bad at updating of late, there has been a lot going on in my life.
A few weeks ago I was offered a new job, with a company that shall remain nameless. With the prospect of a nice office environment in a nice area, an interesting range of projects and seemingly friendly and laid back colleagues I thought that this was all I wanted.
Unfortunately they turned out not to be all they promised to be and to cut a long story short I decided it would be a very bad idea to go there unless I wanted by entire life taken over… but by this point I had handed in my notice at my current job.
This company would let me stay, but they are moving further out to an area I couldn’t get to, I’ll be here until the end of August… and then what?
Its not all bad news, sometimes it takes a crisis to make one reassess, and I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. For this past year I’ve been working and feeling guilty about the fact that I am not with my daughter, then handing over half my salary to the childminder who takes care of her during the day. Its crazy.
The point to all this preamble is that I’m going to go back to working from home, hopefully to make enough of a go of it to be able to do so for at least the next year until the Small Person goes to school, and possibly long term.
Self employment means that the little dream I have kept myself going with for this last year will probably have to be put on hold indefinately.. I used to have big dreams, these days they are tempered to wanting to be able to get a mortgage on a little house, with a garden for the Small Person to play in and enough room to have a small office for me to work in. I know that banks are unlikely to give mortgages to the self employed, one of the reasons I went back to work in the first place.
What I do know though, is that the above is my dream, not the Small Person’s, I know that she would love it if I could pick her up after nursery instead of her childminder, she is much more relaxed and happy when I am not running late and stressing about getting on a train to the office on time, she doesn’t care whether we rent a flat or have our own home and she has a nice room in our little flat. She sees the world in the light of what is happening today, so for her thats what I need to do, make sure each of her days are fun, safe and full of love and as long as we have enough to survive, my dreams can wait a while.